whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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