I'm eating all of the evidence.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
