You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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