Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
