I skipped work to stalk him.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
