Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
