My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
