I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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