I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
