do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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