so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
