i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
