My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
