WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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