"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i need some magic done to my vagina
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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