Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
