Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
