I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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