Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He did a backflip because drugs
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