My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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