They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
