hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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