im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
