He uses pillows to masturbate.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You pole danced in your parka.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
