If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
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