Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
