It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
