I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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