We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
