That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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