Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
