I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
