She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
