I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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