You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
