someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
