haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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