Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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