Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
