yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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