I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
