At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
my being single is dangerous.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
