clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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