my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He better not be in your backpack
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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