so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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