good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
