well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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