You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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