dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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