The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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