Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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