I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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