That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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