Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
