I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
