Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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